Process of Elimination

Shannon had a rather bad experience at the park today, one which involved the Elder being rather difficult and then having an accident right there on the play structure. Thank god for UV radiation and rain.

Not willing to leave me out of the fun, the girls convened the Committee on Elimination at bathtime. First, Genevieve peed in the tub. Par for the course around here, this resulted in nothing more than a hurried bath in the water at the clean end of the tub. Yeah, I said, “the clean end of the tub.” The fundamentals of the tub were sound.

As I wound up the scrubbing, Julia announced she had to go to the bathroom. Trying not to be amused (it’s still funny to hear her use that euphemism, plus we were in the bathroom), I hauled her out of the tub and plopped her down on the potty chair, then turned back to Vivi. I toweled her off and set her free for her usual naked runabout, at exactly which time Julia asked for parental help addressing the sanitary demands created by a #2. I did my duty and told her, to her usual disappointment, that no, I wouldn’t take care of the potty chair, that it was her responsibility. (She handles it without problems all the time.)

Just then, from the other room, I heard Vivi shout, “Oh no!” I jumped up and looked down the hall, to see her standing over a large turd of her own. I yelled, “Vivi! Run to the bathroom! Run down here right now!” and turned to grab the container of diaper wipes. She started to sprint to the bathroom, jettisoning two more turds on the way. Julia, doing her level best to clean out the potty-chair bowl, was now calling, “What’s going on, Daddy! Where are you running?” as I poop-scooped in the hallway.

I had just used a healthy stack of wipes to deposit all three items in a snatched-up garbage bag when Vivi yelped delightedly from the bathroom, “Daddy! Potty!” Reversing course, I ran to the bathroom, where Vivi was sitting on the potty chair, grinning the grin of the successful potty-chair user.

Only Julia was still rinsing the bowl, which meant Vivi had gone all over the inside of the potty chair. Luckily, everything had landed in the basin that usually holds the bowl itself. This would have made for relatively easy clean-up (= a couple big wads of a toilet paper and many, many Clorox wipes), except that I had to use one hand to hold on to Vivi so she didn’t wander off to wreak more havoc.

Anyhow, I got that done, then cleaned up and diapered Vivi (for those keeping track, this is two #2s cleaned up in about two minutes); checked in on Julia, who was nearly done with her chore but still bewildered by the commotion; and went off to use most of a can of carpet cleaner on three surprisingly small spots o’ floor.

I think that post-bath naked-time is on hiatus for a while.

5 thoughts on “Process of Elimination”

  1. Ah, those were the days! I remember once when one of my nieces (now 20) popped in her plastic potty and my other niece (now 19) manually removed to poop from the bowl, put the bowl on her head, and started to do a little dance hall routine. It’s hysterical when you’re not actually their parent.

  2. I shouldn’t have read that at work, now I’m snickering. That was hysterical!! I remember when youngest pooped in the bathtub and Twin #1 about had a stroke. I think she scalded herself clean in the shower after that one.

  3. That made me laugh out loud and distract Baxter from his homework. Damn, I remember those days. Matt and I still talk about certain places one of the kids dropped a deuce, like on the white shag rug. Parenting – what a party!

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