Being a parent is slightly less wonderful if, when you go to check on your sleeping kids, you are driven back out of the room by noxious clouds of farts.
Minister of Treasury Paulson
This is making the rounds, as they say, but it’s still hilarious, in a painful way:
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson
Genius!
I love reading the annual announcement of the MacArthur Foundation “genius grants.” This year’s crop is science-heavy, unlike some previous years when (as I recall) more humanists made the cut.
But this year, I actually have a (verrrrry) weak personal connection with one of the awardees: in June 2006, I sat about three feet from Miguel Zenón at the Village Vanguard jazz club in New York, and enjoyed his incredible sax playing. After the show, I literally bumped into him as I came out of the men’s room. I said, “Nice playing!” and he said, “Thanks.” Who’s the genius, huh?
Amber Waves of Grain
With fall now incipient, I restarted my rollerskiing regimen this weekend with my usual route on the country roads around our place. The weather was agreeable, the roadkilled animals were few, the traffic was very light, and the scenery was amazing. I almost crashed admiring this view (the “Kane Avenue High Point” on my rollerskiing map):
Not bad at all.
Slice of Life
This video has been floating around my computer’s desktop for a couple months, but it still accurately shows the hijinks that typically ensue as dinner winds down. Among other things, the video (in about three minutes) captures the dynamics between Vivi and Julia and it shows Vivi trying out some (then-) new words, like “Excuse me” – “Naa ma.” Plus it’s kinda funny to see her waking Julia up.
Slice of Life from Christopher Tassava on Vimeo.
Fall Fun
The new playground in our neighborhood is worth its weight in gold – or in the sweat of the volunteers who assembled it. I think we’ve visited it every day since it opened last week, and never been disappointed. While, amazingly, pretty much every part of the play structure is suitable for both girls, they are currently enamored of the double slide:
On the way home from the park, the girls are now asking to call Mama to tell her about what they did there. Julia actually holds a conversation, while Vivi pretty much just says, adorably, “Iiiii, Mama!” and then “uh-huh” or “no” until I hear Shannon ask her to give the phone back to me. It’s still cute.
Car vs. Bike
After getting nearly hit twice in ten seconds by the same woman in a white Sequoia SUV this morning, I was in the mood for some bike propaganda today. The guy (?) who writes the Bike Snob NYC blog helped out with a couple of great posts and a video of his race against a SmartCar through New York City. It was a point-to-point competition; I’ll give you one guess as to the winner.
(What’s more, I’ll bet I reached my destination this morning before Sequoia Driver reached hers – and without endangering anyone else.)
Gut-Level Math
A truly fascinating article in the Times‘ science section the other day described how researchers are beginning to identify the genetic or neurological underpinnings of mathematical capacity – the instinctual ability to compare two quantities, for instance:
Humans use two distinct number systems, one learned and one intuitive. Computation, such as taking a square root, is an abstract process that is uniquely human. But the nonverbal process of approximating numbers is a system we share with infants and many other animals.
Well worth reading on its own, the article also links to an interesting online game which asks the player to briefly view a screen of blue and yellow dots, then state whether there were more yellow or blue dots. The average is about 75%. Fun and challenging, the game also might surprise you with evidence of an innate ability (or lack of ability) to recognize quantities.
Jiza
Inspired by the nativity video, the girls spend an awful lot of time playing “Nativity,” which entails Julia serving as Mary, me acting either as Joseph or as the angel Gabriel, Shannon stepping in and out of a role as innkeeper, and Genevieve, of course, being Jesus. This set of roles reads to at least two kinds of hilarity.
First, we have Julia continuing to say unintentionally crazed stuff like, “Jesus, you have to put your pajamas on!” or “Jesus, you have to lay down on the blanket” or “Jesus, I can’t nurse you right now; the angel is here!”
Second, we have the sight and sound of Vivi, walking and running throughout the house, pointing at her round toddler tummy and shouting, “Jiza! Jiza!” – as close as she can get right now to “Jesus.” Ask for her name, and she yells, “Jiza!” I haven’t seen her perform any miracles – turning her surliness into cheer? – and she happily violates the Golden Rule, but on the other hand, you’re probably only allowed to consider yourself Jesus when you’re two or a CEO.
Squirrely
Walking up to my office this morning, I saw a squirrel pause at the bottom of the concrete steps into my building and then, bizarrely, nibble on the stone, inching sideways and taking little bites.
I think someone might have fallen headfirst out of one too many oak trees.
Sarah Palin: Not Like Me
My Northfield blogging colleague Mnmom (who not only writes a great blog, but has perfect the hilarious tag) just posted an excellent list of reasons why Sarah Palin is NOT like me. Click through for the full list.
I don’t force teenagers to get married
I don’t parade my kids around for political gain
I don’t believe the Iraq war is a mission from God
I actually think the separation of church and state is a PRETTY GOOD IDEA! To quote Mrs. Palin “If it was good enough for the Founding Fathers, it’s good enough for me!”
I know the Founding Fathers did NOT write the Pledge of Alligiance and they sure as hell did enter the phrase “under God”.
Dog Is My Copilot
Vivi and Julia’s nightly viewing of the Sacred YouTube Nativity Video is leading to a number of interesting situations, including the girls’ evolving ability to “play nativity” by reciting the whole goddamn thing. (Is that blasphemous? Can I blaspheme against Google?)
Vivi, of course, can’t say more than a few key phrases, such as “I need a room!” but tonight she took a stab at trying to say, “Son of God.” It came out as “Mun of Dog.”
Crash Helmet
Proving once again the utter bullshit of the claim that baths will calm kids down, the girls held a wet, crazy riot in the bathtub tonight. All was fine until I needed to get them out of the tub, which forced me to interrupt Julia’s insanely fast and intensive chatter and then caution her against jumping up and down in the tub. “Honey, you might slip and pull the shower curtain down on your head and get hurt.”
She crossed her arms, frowned, and looked down, clearly insulted. “But Daddy, that can’t happen.” Just as I opened my mouth to tell her that, yes, in fact it could happen, she brightened up and shouted in a delirious, silly way, “I won’t get hurt because I’m wearing a crash helmet!” I could only laugh. You can’t chasten someone who’s naked as a jaybird but pretending to be wearing a crash helmet.
High Fall
Between the unbelievably beautiful weather – the first of what looks like a week’s worth of sunny, warm days – and the opening (finally!) of a new playground at the park a block away, it was a banner day. Some visual proof…
Junior Trainer
This afternoon, when Shannon headed out for her run, Genevieve used her m-for-r and reverse-word skills to tell her, “Doog mun, Mama!”