Experiment Results

After one field test, the investigator can definitively report that the unconventional handlebar configuration depicted in Figure I is wholly unsatisfactory with respect to the operation of a bicycle.

Figure I
Twisted Bars I

The deviation of the handlebars from the conventional orientation (in which the handlebars are at a right angle to the plane of the wheels and frame) makes steering difficult, if not impossible. Interestingly, this difficulty is encountered while attempting to walk with the bicycle, as well as – presumably – while attempting to ride it. (The investigator did not attempt to ride the thusly-configured bicycle, only to walk it approximately 500 meters.)

In addition to the difficulties inherent in operating a bicycle configured in this way, the investigator would like to comment on the unsatisfactory nature of the configuration process. To carry out this field test, the investigator “crashed” the bicycle while making a right-hand turn at a relatively low speed. Owing to ice, this turn quickly devolved into the type of crash sometimes called a “lay down.” Though the precise sequence of events cannot be recalled, the end state found the investigator lying prone on the street approximately three feet from the bicycle. After a few deranged-sounding shouts and curses, the investigator rose to discover that the crash had reconfigured the handlebars in the manner illustrated. The handlebars were later returned to the conventional orientation. The investigator injured his left thumb and his ego, which had been badly mangled in two crashes earlier in the winter.

Want

The other day, led by Google to the blog of a Danish athlete who is training for the big Vasaloppet race in Sweden, I came across this photo:

Thoraxtrainer
Thoraxtrainer

I duly dug up the website of the pictured device, the “Thoraxtrainer,” which has been designed by Jonas Thor Olsen, a Danish cross-country skier notable for finishing way down the results sheet in pretty much every major race of the World Cup – but who nonetheless races every damn race. Tough guy, and apparently smart, to develop this poling machine, which looks pretty cool.

So naturally, I want one. At current exchange rates, it costs about $6,000. Not too bad, but maybe I should just finally build a rollerboard for those wet days when I don’t want to rollerski or run.

From the Mouths of

I.
Julia: “Is mother brown meat?”
Me: ” … ” while thinking, ‘What should I do with that question? I can’t even tell the nouns from the verbs!’

II.
Genevieve, snarlingly: “PUT ON MY DIAPER, DADDY!”
Me: “Genevieve, that’s not how we ask for help. How can you ask in a nicer way?”
Genevieve, even more snarlingly: “PLEASE PUT ON MY DIAPER, DADDY!”

Kikkan!

This morning started very well, with news from the Czech Republic that Kikkan Randall (Anchorage, Alaska) finished second (by a toe!) in the women’s freestyle sprint at the Nordic World Ski Championships. Kikkan – who is a prolific and adept blogger as well as a hellaciously fast skier – thus earned the first-ever medal by an American woman in cross-country skiing, and the first medal by an American cross-country skier since 1982 (the same year she was born). In winning the silver, Kikkan completes a decisive comeback from a blood clot that nearly killed her last summer.

What’s more, Kikkan’s medal puts the United States near the top of the medal count at the Liberec Worlds – one medal behind Norway, which literally invented modern skiing, and ahead of countries like Sweden, Finland, Germany, and Russia where many, many citizens ski at a very high level and where governments and companies rush to sponsor racers. By comparison, Kikkan’s biggest sponsor (besides the U.S. Ski Team) is her hometown Subway restaurant chain!

But years of hard work by the athletes and coaches are paying off at Liberec, and in a big way. As a longtime fan of U.S. nordic skiing (and someone who’s sent them a couple donations), I couldn’t be happier – not least because the championships calendar still includes a number of events in which Americans could conceivably medal.

Kikkan Randall, Arianna Follis, Pirjo Muranen
Kikkan Randall (USA; silver), Arianna Follis (Italy; gold), Pirjo Muranen (Finland, bronze)

(Photo from Universal Sports, where you can watch videos of all of the Nordic World Ski Championship races – including Kikkan’s silver.)

GM: Generally Meliorated

I’m pleased to report that this afternoon’s automotive drama has ended with a simple repair, a fully-functioning vehicle, and no (monetary) cost to me. The “master body module” – some sort of microprocessor for the “electromechanical systems” (i.e., power doors, windows, steering, but not the radio) – had failed, essentially disabling the entire car. We could turn the car on, but not, you know, turn the wheel. At the Saturn dealership, they popped out the old “MCB,” popped in a new one, rebooted the car (srsly!), reprogrammed the keyless entry fobs, and sent me on my way.

As a friend said later, “We’re all hanging on by a thread, aren’t we? We’re one bad embedded system away from the brink.” I think he’s right. On the drive home, I listened to NPR’s “Marketplace,” which was all about the banking crisis. American finance has the same problem as the car, only there’s no warranty.

GM: Generally Maddening

So I was working at my desk today, a happy little worker bee, finishing up a few things before heading to the gym for my thrice-weekly constitutional, when Shannon called in a near panic. When she headed out with Vivi to get Julia at preschool, our car had some sort of grand mal seizure: all the warning lights went on, the power windows and door locks failed, and – worst of all – the power steering went out, too.

I freaked out a leetle beet, thinking about my family in a failing car as they tried to get home over (frankly) less-than-ideally-maintained winter roads that also include – free bonus! – an idle but very messy r0ad-construction site. I packed my stuff up and biked home as fast as I could. Thank goodness, everybody made it home safely, but damn it if the car wasn’t practically dead.

A long round of phone calls with the friendly folks at our Saturn dealership led to their dispatching a wrecker to tow the car up to Burnsville for a check up – one that should be covered by the warranty, which expires in May. God only knows the outcome. As I watched the car get dragged away, I thought, “This is why GM is begging for bailout money.”

Bathroom Talk

The post-breakfast toothbrushing turned the girls’ minds toward family planning this morning:

Julia – “What do you do to not have a baby?”
Me – “Well, there are all kinds of things you can do to not have a baby. There are certain kinds of medicines you can take, for instance.”
Julia – “I will take those medicines, even if I get married, because I don’t want to have a baby.”
Me – “That’s just fine, so long as you talk about this with your husband or your wife and you decide together that you don’t want to have a baby.”
Julia – “I will talk with them about that.”
Genevieve – “Me, too.”
Me – “You mean you’re not going to have a baby, either?”
Genevieve – “Nope!”
Me – “I won’t have any grandchildren at all?”
Julia- “Nope!”
Genevieve – “Uh-uh!”
Me – “I’ll have to get a poodle instead.”
Genevieve – “No, no poodle ider [either]. I don’t yike poodles.”

Brown Bear Looking at ME!

Brown Bear, Brown Bear
Brown Bear, Brown Bear

Last night, Vivi – now deep in the toddler’s phase of being frightened of nighttime things real and imaginary – called me back into her room, saying she was “dared [scared] of da bwown beah.” I thought she meant one of the zillion teddy bears, but she pointed at the bookshelf, where the bear on the cover of Eric Carle’s Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? was peeking out through a cutout in the side of the shelf. She whispered in horror, “Brown Bear, Brown Bear is wooking at ME!”

I tucked the book behind another book and assured Vivi that Brown Bear couldn’t see her anymore.

The U.S. Nordic Experience

American nordic skiing has a short list of great days, including Bill Koch‘s silver medal in the 30km at the 1976 Olympics, Koch’s World Cup title in 1980, Kris Freeman taking fourth place in the 15km classic-style race and Johnny Spillane winning a nordic combined gold at the 2003 World Championships, and the recent top-three finishes in sprint races by Torin Koos (Otepaa, 2007), Andy Newell (Lahti, 2008, and Changchun, 2006), and Kikkan Randall (Rybinsk, 2007).

Today’s excellent results by Americans at the World Championship in Liberec topped everything. Lindsay Van (Utah) won the first-ever gold medal in women’s ski jumping with the day’s longest jump. Todd Lodwick (Colorado) won a gold after finishing first in both the cross-country and the ski jumping portions of the mass-start nordic combined event. And – best of all, at least given the depth of competition – Kris Freeman finished fourth, just 1.3 seconds from bronze, in the men’s 15km classic-technique cross-country race. Recently diagnosed with a severe case of compartment syndrome, has had to curtail his racing over the last months, but he pulled off a great race today. Starting 21st, eight slots ahead of the best racers, Freeman worked his way into the race, moving up steadily at each checkpoint (his placings: 48, 42, 34, 21, 14, 10, 8, 6, 4, 4) but failing, finally, to find the 1.4 seconds he needed to move into third and the medals. (For a really good analysis of Freeman’s race strategy, see my friend Colin’s post over at our Nordic Commentary Project blog.)

Even so, the accomplishment is superlative, and bodes well for other races Freeman can run this season. It should also give the American team a good boost as the World Championships continue with ten more races between tomorrow and March 1.

Kris Freeman (image via Universal Sports)
Kris Freeman (image via Universal Sports)

(Crossposted to Nordic Commentary Project.)

Coda Clothing

Wandering this way and that around campus this week, I’ve been noticing that students’ clothing choices invert their choices back in, say, October. Then, on the first few chilly days – a sunny, autumnal 40°F without snow, rain, or wind – quite a few students dressed for an Antarctic expedition: parka, winter hat, gloves, even Uggs. Some layering was definitely in order, back then, but perhaps a fleece or a windbreaker over a sweater, not Roald Amundsen.

These days, we’ve got substantially harsher weather in every comparative respect – 15°F and windy, most often – and yet the parkas have mostly been replaced by fleeces, or even just sweaters. The Uggs are still in evidence, but there aren’t very many gloves or hats to be found. It’s a prayer: “If I dress like this, spring will come…”

Nordic Ski World Championships

I know that baseball fans are pumped up over the start of spring training as well as that whole World Baseball Classic thingy, and I suppose that basketball fans are getting excited about the buildup to March Madness, but I’d be a poor fan of cross-country skiing if I didn’t also point out that I am jazzed about the Nordic Ski World Championships in Liberec, Czech Republic.

Between now and March 1, Liberec will see a colossal slate of competitions that encompasses men’s and women’s cross-country skiing, men’s and (for the first time) women’s ski jumping, and men’s nordic combined (a mix of ski jumping and cross-country skiing). The racing will include the largest-ever complement of nordic-sport athletes and countries, with athletes from the usual powers like Norway, Sweden, Germany, Russia, and Italy; middleweight nations like Poland, Czech Republic, Slovakia, and France; and even places like India, South Africa, Brazil, Peru, and Mongolia.

Unlike in 2007, when I blogged the hell out of the Sapporo world champs, I’m going to keep my ski blogging over at the Nordic Commentary Project. Click over if you’re curious or interested. For what it’s worth, both the United States and Canada have sent strong teams to Liberec, including numerous legitimate medal contenders in men’s and women’s cross country and in nordic combined. If anything, the Canadians have a slightly better chance to win some hardware. Writing as a fan and a skier, it would be exciting to see any medals come back to North America.

Moviegoers

After their baths yesterday, Julia and Genevieve decided to watch a movie. This entailed arranging Julia’s Disney Princess sleeping bag on a chair so that they could clearly see the image of Cinderella, then sitting down six feet away on the floor, looking up at the “screen,” and, talking back and forth to each other, telling a radically bowdlerized version of the Cinderella story.

This was simultaneously hilarious – pretending a sleeping bag was a movie? – and kinda pathetic – pretending a sleeping bag was a movie? – but whatever: they enjoyed this for about ten minutes.