Stealing shamelessly from my blog friend Colin here and here, I am hereby providing a handy Do-It-Yourself Ready-for-Spring Blog Post and (at the bottom) an even handier Do-It-Yourself Ready-for-Spring Status Update. (Your options – all of which I have chosen for their perfectly descriptive neutrality – are grouped within brackets [ ] and separated by pipes |.)
Do-It-Yourself Ready-for-Spring Blog Post
Boy, am I [ready to embrace | eager to see | happy about | just like an impatient toddler when it comes to] spring. I can’t wait for the [warm weather | flowers to bloom | incessant rain and endless mud | lung-wrecking humidity | inevitable sign that the seasons have turned | evidence that I am incrementally closer to the grave].
This winter has seemed especially [long | cold | long and cold | cold and long | hard on someone with my delicate constitution], even for [southern Minnesota | Minnesota | the Upper Midwest | the Midwest | the Northern Hemisphere]. I was sure it would [never end | freeze me to death | end life above the Mason-Dixon Line]! We must have had [fifteen significant snowfalls | a hundred inches of snow | an ice storm every other week | a Little Ice Age] between [September | October | November | December] and [December | January | February | March | April].
I mean, a little snow at [Thanksgiving | Christmas | New Year’s Day | Epiphany | Martin Luther King Day | Groundhog Day | President’s Day] is [fine | seasonably appropriate | barely tolerable | far too difficult to endure | a tragedy on par with the Black Death], but honestly, there’s only so long that a person wants to [wear sweaters | don parka, hat, and mittens to go outdoors | occasionally shovel snow | ski, sled, and ice skate | let the Earth renew itself]. When you get right down to it, [being a bit cold | enduring some dry skin | wearing longjohns | scraping icy car windows | relying on the mammalian capacity for self-maintained thermal homeostasis ] is kinda inconvenient. I’d much rather be [too warm | too hot | sweltering | in the E.R. with heatstroke] than [a bit chilled | too cold | troubled to put on another shirt | indoors].
And don’t even get me started on my [cabin fever | weight gain from holiday treats | loathing of the short winter days | mild eczema | reptilian fear of fresh snow] – I’m just ready for this [long | cold | long and cold | cold and long | climatologically appropriate] season to end! Bring on the [chance to wear shorts and t-shirts outdoors | chance to flirt with melanoma | first horrible day with 95-degree temps and 99% humidity | high electricity bills from running the AC all the time | ozone warnings | opportunity to complain about the heat]!
Do-It-Yourself Ready-for-Spring Status Update
(You know, for Facebook or Twitter or whatnot.)
Ready for [spring | warm weather | hot weather | overwhelming my antiperspirant]. The winter was too [long | cold | long and cold | cold and long | true to the geography and climate of the place I’ve chosen to live home]. Can’t wait to wear [shorts | tank tops | a ridiculously brimmed hat | eight ounces of sunscreen] every day!