The Old Gods and the New gathered in the woods at the north edge of town, and they considered the sore denizens of Northfield, and they said with one voice, "Hear us now and believe us later, ye Northfielders. Yea, you have had a long winter, and you have failed, almost to a person, to enjoy it properly.
"But in Our infinite wisdom, We have decided to have mercy upon you all, mercy which you certainly deserve not! We have nonetheless sprung spring upon you, like a bolt from the executioner’s crossbow. You may thank us later with burnt offerings and/or malt-based beverages.
"Enjoy the warmth, Northfielders, and enjoy the sun, and for many, many moons let us hear you neither piss nor moan."
And the Old Gods and the New withdrew to the north.