Sweeping the Nobel Prizes

I think this is technically called "rocking it."

So the Nobel Prizes have been announced over the last couple weeks. I’m sure all of the winners are deserving of this enormous honor, but I’d like to point out to the prize committees that they are full of Nordic crap. Clearly, my wife should have won each and every one of the prizes. A brief summary of why this is so:

Nobel Prize in Physics – Shannon has long understood the intricate chaotic system that is the pre-tween brain, and can even explain it to others (i.e., me).

Nobel Prize in Chemistry – In mastering the kitchen, she long ago mastered a field of laboratory chemistry that has defied many of the greatest scientists. Do you think Mr. Nobel cooked meals every day for years for a family of four?

Nobel Prize in Medicine – Three word: elementary school germs. It’s a wonder the girls are ever healthy, but they are, thanks to my wife and her deep commitment to Purell.

Nobel Prize in Literature – Any layabout can write a bunch of angsty poems, but Shannon wrote a book while working full time as a stay-at-home mom.

Nobel Peace Prize – War, schmwar. Each day (on a bad day, each hour), Shannon effortlessly manages outbreaks of civil unrest, if not outright rebellion, and (almost always) gives the combatants a hug and a kiss goodnight.

Prize in Economic Sciences – Just look at our bank accounts and you’ll see why she’s a genius in this area.

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