SOFA – the time needed to reduce any area to an unbelievable Beirut-1984 mess. Based on the time needed to totally disassemble a couch (roughly 45 seconds). Ex: “I was only in the bathroom for two sofas, but when I came back the entire living room was demolished.”
CUPCAKE – the time needed to eat a dessert. Baesd on the time needed for one 3-6 year old to eat an entire cupcake, right down to starting to lick the paper (two to four minutes, depending on child’s appetite and appetite). Ex: “That was a big ice cream cone, but it still only took her three cupcakes to finish it.”
NOTTIRED – the time needed by an exhausted kid to fall asleep. Based on the time interval between sequential claims to “not be tired” while lying in bed (approximately one minute). Ex: “We knew she was tired when she only made it to two nottireds before falling asleep.”
SMINE – the time needed for playtime cooperation to fall apart. Based on the time between the moment two kids start to play together and the moment one of them says, “It’s mine” (from thirty seconds to five minutes; exact time varies depending on children’s age and desirability of mutally-desired object). Ex: “They’re good friends, but god, they only played dress-up for half a smine before arguing over the crown.”
DISTRACTA – the “lifespan” of playing with any one toy. Based on the time between the moment a toy is chosen and the moment it is discarded (anywhere for 0.005 seconds and five minutes). Ex: “Jeez, look at the mess around the toy chest. I’ll bet they didn’t play with any of those things for half a distracta. Now it’ll take twenty sofas to clean it up.”
But how long before they discard a toy, a sibling picks it up, and the discarder “rediscovers” they actually DID want to keep playing with it???