In Which I Watch Lady Gaga Videos

There are more gaps in my pop-culture awareness than there are holes in a Sarah Palin policy speech, but thanks to the internet I can address one of those holes by watching the videos for all six of Lady Gaga’s number-one songs. Which I will now do, with the grounding assumption that I have never before seen or heard any of her songs and will probably never see or listen to any of them ever again.

“Just Dance” (2008)

This is a straightforward song about “being drunk at a club,” albeit one with a pretty catchy beat. The video mostly illustrates the lyrics – getting down and acting stupid at a party – but mixes in some weirdness like the old lady in the new-year’s glasses and the singer doing relatively little dancing. Apart from that, I liked this song more when the Beastie Boys sang it as “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party).” Nothing new to see here.

“Poker Face” (2008)

A little darker-sounding than “Just Dance,” and oddly more dance-y – even though Lady Gaga’s Donatella Versace wig is very distracting. Lyrically, the chorus, such as it is, is much better than the verses, such as they are. The processed voice is annoying, and again, I liked this song better in Peaches’ earlier variant – which also had a much better beat.

“LoveGame” (2009)

Snore. A silly synthy song about casual sex. That’s, what, the zillionth one? It’s too bad that, after two other hit songs, Lady Gaga still didn’t have enough budget to costume herself. She spends much of this one wearing nothing but rhinestones. Around her eyes.

“Paparazzi” (2009)

Finally, something undeniably good. The video is self-consciously cinematic, and the song is the best one so far. The lyrics are awfully catchy, and the video – even if it’s a pretty trite story of unrequited, murderous love – is fun to watch.

“Bad Romance” (2009)

This video takes the penchant for bizarre eyewear to new heights. If you ignore the beat, which would be dumb, because it’s pretty great, this song could be an In Utero-era Nirvana tune. Which would be awesome, because the lyrics are beyond catchy, from the phony French to the chorus. I could see having this on my iPod.

“Telephone” (2010)

Now here is the reason that I’m really doing this – the video that engendered the pre-fab controversy about it being too “controversial” for MTV. The cigarette glasses in jail are awesome, the underwear dancing and thongs much less so, and the goofball lyrics and story far, far less so. This is a gratuitous, stupid song, and a worse video. Better luck next time!