Noah, or, Another Monotheist in My House

Julia, in true big-sister form, has infected her sister with that world-historical virus, Christian myth. The two little believers will sit for extended periods of time, their Nonna-donated children’s bible on their laps, and tell each other Bible stories – or at least the thoroughly bowdlerized versions in this version of the Good Book. (David offs Goliath, but Noah’s daughters don’t fornicate with him, and the Revelation is free of holy bloodshed.)

Vivi, as you might expect, doesn’t “get” the New Testament parables and miracle stories, even though Julia likes them a lot. God help (so to speak) the next person who reads Julia the parable of the seeds from Matthew 13:3-13 – she can go on and on and on about those $@#(&% seeds. Both girls like the nativity story, of course, with Vivi – the baby – perhaps enjoying it even a little more than Julia does. This is saying something, since Julia would, like, totally friend Jesus on Facebook.

But the story that Vivi likes the very most is the story of the Deluge. Any why not! Who doesn’t like divine planetary genocide? God hitting the old cosmic reset? Noah, that old goat, on a round-the-world cruise with some goats? Actually, what Vivi likes is the animals, and the fact that she knows all the main parts of the story. This (translated from toddler-speak to something like English) is how she told the story the other night, carefully turning the pages of the children’s bible and describing the pictures and the action:

“Once upon a time, Noah! [Onnnnna dime, Noah!] Boat. Noah, boat. Animals. Rain! Rain! God [Doog], rain. RAIN! RAIN! RAIN! No more rain. Stop rain! Tweet-tweet [bird]! Animals! Rainbow.”

I can’t wait to hear how she retells the crucifixion.