1. I absent-mindedly used silicon spray, not saline solution, to clean my contacts.
2. Because I wanted to see how many different eye medications I could get. (Three and counting!)
3. I make the poor decision to act on my life-long desire to kiss a porcupine.
4. I recently led a secret Special Forces mission in western Afghanistan which included an ambush of al-Qaeda forces during a sandstorm.
5. The gods answered my prayer for the opportunity to hear the phrase “epithelial erosion” again.
6. I tried to perform LASIK on myself with a CD-player laser, a thimbleful of whiskey, and a paring knife.
7. Because after you get one scratch on your cornea, you’re forever susceptible to renewed scratches in that same spot.
Are you typing your posts with your naked eye again?
Not wise. I mean, I can do it, but then again I’m a highly-trained eye typist.
I’ll thank you, sir, to cease using the word “naked” and “eye” in any sentences concerning me. My ocular clothing choices are my own. And I prefer the terms “naturistic” or “nekkid,” anyhow.
FWIW, I’m up to four eye medications: a strong rewetting drop (every hour), an liquid antibiotic (every four hours), a liquid steroid (ve vill pump YOU up, every two hours), and a goopy antibiotic paste (just before bed).
In other words: avoid corneal erosions.